LillaMarriage After Deployment
November 9th 2006 15:37
Someone recently told me that the marriages that have the hardest time readjusting to normal life after a deployment are the couples that were really close before the deployment.
When Carl (my husband) returned home, I remember being scared to death. " What if I am too fat, what if the age that is really starting to show on my face disgusts him, what if he still doesn't want me? What happens if he discovers he got over loving me while he was gone? What if I don't still love him?" All of those questions and more ran through my mind. I wanted him home and safe more than anything but I was terrified at the prospect of actually having him back. The guilt that I felt over this was incredible but I could not stop the "what if's".
I had some expectations of his return but I didn't feel they were very high. Many had the concept that life would instantly go back to normal. I'm a realist; I had no such fantasies. many were planning on second honeymoons and so forth. I also knew better than that but I did have a few expectations.
I expected the first few days to be for just us. I figured he would need to some time to wind down and I would have him to myself for 4 or 5 days before we headed to his dad's place 300 miles away. I was very, very wrong.
I also expected that we would not come out of the bedroom for the first 24-48 hours, again, I was wrong.
Within 48 hours of his return we were heading for his dad's place. His kids were still in school so I knew there was no way he would be able to see them until the weekend and we still had two days before the weekend. Knowing that his dad's place would always be home for him and knowing that there was no way I could replace the 80 acres of wooded property in the Upper Pennsula of Michigan which was his safe haven, I simply kept quiet and went along.
Mind you his dad's house is more than a bit rural. He lives in the middle of BFE that offers very few luxaries of the technology age. The house is heated by a wood stove (don't knock it, it's wonderful) and internet is unheard of. My father in law still has a rotary phone in his house. I was isolated in a place that I get lost trying to go the store almost 25 miles away without internet, without reception on my cell and with a total stranger that was my husband. The room we sleep in there does not have a door and the house is TINY! Privacy was not an option....
There is much more to the story, but I hate to put out long, drawn out post; the rest will be posted either later today or tommorow.
When Carl (my husband) returned home, I remember being scared to death. " What if I am too fat, what if the age that is really starting to show on my face disgusts him, what if he still doesn't want me? What happens if he discovers he got over loving me while he was gone? What if I don't still love him?" All of those questions and more ran through my mind. I wanted him home and safe more than anything but I was terrified at the prospect of actually having him back. The guilt that I felt over this was incredible but I could not stop the "what if's".
I expected the first few days to be for just us. I figured he would need to some time to wind down and I would have him to myself for 4 or 5 days before we headed to his dad's place 300 miles away. I was very, very wrong.
I also expected that we would not come out of the bedroom for the first 24-48 hours, again, I was wrong.
Within 48 hours of his return we were heading for his dad's place. His kids were still in school so I knew there was no way he would be able to see them until the weekend and we still had two days before the weekend. Knowing that his dad's place would always be home for him and knowing that there was no way I could replace the 80 acres of wooded property in the Upper Pennsula of Michigan which was his safe haven, I simply kept quiet and went along.
There is much more to the story, but I hate to put out long, drawn out post; the rest will be posted either later today or tommorow.
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Comment by Sandi
This time around I will be more willing to share, but it's hard. You just want to be together, and screw everyone else.
Comment by Trudy
Taking my net away is just WRONG!