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From The Home Front - by Lilla

 
Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast -- you also miss the sense of where you are going and why." -- Eddie Cantor

From The Home Front - April 2007

Abbot and Costello, and Microsoft?

April 14th 2007 21:59
If you have not seen Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's baseball comedy skit "Who's on First?", find it and watch it. It was done decades ago, but it is a classic and quite funny.

If these two funny men were alive today in the 21st century, their "Who's on first" might have gone something like this:


COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

Ring, ring...

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Yes thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.


COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!
OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in 'office' is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click YOUR blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? They OWN it!


A few days later. Ring, ring....

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".............
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Unabridged Medical Dictionary

April 14th 2007 10:25


THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT'S NEW, UNABRIDGED
MEDICAL DICTIONARY

BARIUM - What you do when the patient dies
URINE - The opposite of "You're out!"
CAUTERIZE - Made eye contact with her
OVA - Finished; done with
SPERM - To reject, look away from
DILATE - To live a long time
ENEMA - Opposite of a friend
NODE - Was aware of
WHITE COUNT - The number of Caucasians
HERNIA - Pertaining to a female's knee
FIBRILLATE - To tell a small lie
D & C - Where Washington is
BUNION - Paul's surname
RECTUM - Dang near killed him
PARADOX - Two doctors
CORONARY - Domesticated yellow bird
CONSTIPATION - Endangered feces
PENIS - Someone who plays the piano
HUMERUS - To tell us what we want to hear
INTESTINE - Currently taking an exam
OUTPATIENT - A person who has fainted
GENITAL - Non-Jew
SACRUM - Holy
PAP SMEAR - To slander your father
PELVIS - The evil twin of Elvis
SEIZURE - Roman Emperor
CAT SCAN - When the Secret Service looks for Socks
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